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Purgatory

I remember it vividly—the fear, uncertainty sat cold at the bottom of my heart as I lay on the cold hard stone, my hands clasped over my middle. 

I knew for sure there was darkness below me and light above. I knew for sure I had to choose the light over the dark for me to move on. Staying was an option but it would suspend time for those who wait. 

Wait. Wait for what? 

All I could think about was moving up towards the light. How to do it though? I was lying in a tomb encased in a domed wall. No bars hindered me from going out of the box but the fall into the darkness was enough to keep us crippled. 

Us? Were there us in this dome? 

A faint light was at the top where a keystone would have been and I had the urge to climb up to it. I peeked through the soft billowing white curtains of my box trying to discern the other side of the wall. 

I see nothing. No movement. No life. Just the foreboding outlets from the stone wall. 

Is this Purgatory? Will moving to the light be my salvation? 

#Selfie Scorn

With the advent of social media networks spearheaded by none other than Facebook, it has become the norm to post your face in the form of profile pictures and showcase your visage at its very best. At first only the bold had the guts to do it. People often hid themselves in obscured pics that represented who they are but did not reveal their true person. This was in the Friendster era. Then the boom of the smartphones in the late-2000s allowed the populace to shoot pictures at convenience. With the evolution of smartphones came the front facing cameras and the birth of selfies.

Selfies are photos taken of thy self by thy self.

It’s not a new concept but it spurned the production of vanity shots. And let’s face it, some people take it to the extreme. Other people are just obsessed with themselves or just obsessed with sharing how good they look in photos (and I think I am one of those people lol). Facebook, Imgur, Flickr, Instagram, and Google+ are great avenues to show the world how pretty, sexy, hot, and buffed you are or have become.  Somehow through the years, the audience of these narcissistic people are finally tired of it. “I JUST DONT WANT TO SEE YOUR FACE ANYMORE!” is probably one line running through their minds. Hence, #selfie scorn was born. It was no longer acceptable to see vanity photos on a regular basis. You were thought of as lonely, narcissistic or egoistic. These people who posted more than 5 pictures of themselves in succession and in angles not appreciated in ordinary life were looked down upon unless–here’s the catch– they were pleasant to look at. People who were pretty or handsome in real life was allowed to post hundreds of vanity pictures because the audience loves it.. they crave it… they want more of it. See the double standard. Sometimes, society’s sick mind just leaves this bitter aftertaste in my mouth that makes me want to shun the world again and again.

A/N: I was actually really hesitant to post this on this blog but my desire to consolidate my writing and content into this one avenue(blog) won over. I’m throwing caution to the wind so please don’t judge the heart of my 17-year old self. Lol.  

 

Written in September 2006

They always always go hand in hand, having crushes and being stupid. One such example would be this:

It was one hot Thursday afternoon. Alone, I ambled through the busy streets of downtown. I wasn’t supposed to be alone but since the Kitsune decided not to attend practice, I was forced to cruise through the perilous streets of the city… all alone… with no one to talk to.

And so, I was left with my thoughts and my self… which ended up with me discussing my thoughts to myself. Well honestly, it’s more productive and more enjoyable talking with yourself. Of course, people would think of you as a lunatic, especially if you talk loud enough for them to hear you, and would probably laugh or give scornful and condescending gazes at you. In retaliation, you and yourself would laugh at these stupid people for thinking you’re a lunatic when really you’re not.

 

Moving on, the certain discussion I had with myself was about the upcoming OJT. My very first OJT this coming Monday [which is actually Sunday, I just found out yesterday]. Our shift would be from 11 pm – 7 am! So I was thinking, where would I stay? The last trip from our area is at 8 pm so I really must leave at that time. Unsurprisingly [to me], the first thing that came into mind was an internet café. I’m a computer addict you see so naturally, I would like to have them preoccupy my time.

 

Tanuki: What café then?

I fell silent.

 

Kmy: Where else but at Netopia?

Tanuki: I see… *cough cough* *malicious grin*

Kmy: There’s nothing to be malicious about. It’s just that I like it here. <_<>

Tanuki: Oh really? Like it or do you like someone who likes it there?

Kmy: I refuse to answer that…

 

Anyway, it was later resolved between me and myself that we would indeed stay in Netopia to wait out the 2-3 hours before duty. Chat, sur, or play RF to kill time. However, before that, I had to know what time they close. And thus, must drop by the place.

 

Tanuki: excuses you liar!!!! You already know what time they close.

Kmy: Is it wrong to make sure?

Tanuki: Well no… but you have an ulterior motive.

Kmy: Do I?

Tanuki: Yeah… you want to see, rather, hear that someone‘s voice.

 

Minutes later, the café’s sign came into view but I was still a significant distance from it. Without warning, I felt a sudden surge of pheromones—err… scratch that—giddiness come over me. Of course, as stone-faced and bagtik as I am, no one could really tell… supposedly. The goofy smile that was creeping to my lips might’ve given it away… Stupid effing face! Why can’t you control that smile?!

 

As I neared, my thoughts began stumbling and tumbling, tripping and flying everywhere. Excitement flooded my veins and still I tried to suppress the giddiness. Supress the giddiness. Control it. Must… not… shriek… in front… of all… the goddamned… people…

 

20 more steps to the café…

 

My breathing began to feel a little labored. I was nervous as hell. Maybe I shouldn’t go. If there are a lot of tambays I’ll walk on ahead and not give the café another glance. Come to think of it… maybe I really shouldn’t go even if there are no tambays there. 

 

10 more steps…

 

Deserted. No tambay of any sort. Not a single soul.

Kmy: *meow* @_@

 

On their won, my feet veered to the right without hesitation and I found myself walking towards the door of Netopia.

 

Tanuki: Ok be cool… Don’t go anywhere. Go and stay by the counter. You’re just asking what time it will close. Don’t look for him! Not even casually!

Kmy: *meow* @_@

 

My mind went blank. I was half-dazed due to the anxiety.

 

Tanuki: Hold up! Wake up! Don’t topple over. Stay cool. Stay casual.

Kmy: … What’s with the advices? I thought you were against me…

Tanuki: Well… your humiliation would be my humiliation too so I gotta help you, don’t I?

 

Then, I found myself standing by the counter. Not knowing what to do, I spaced out for some seconds. Good thing the café attendants were entertaining a customer or else they would’ve noticed. I sighed in relief. However, my relief was short-lived. Soon, one of them caught sight of me.

 

[translated for my protection. XD]

 

Ate1: Will you be loggin in? What Number?

Kmy: *My eyes widened and I half-shouted, panicked* No!… No ate. I just came to ask something.”

Ate1: *drops pen* aw ok. ^^

Kmy: What time do you close?

Ate1 & Ate2: *in chorus* 10

Kmy: Ahhhh…

 

I fell silent, thoughtful for a moment.

 

Kmy: *addressing Ate2* Ate, do you remember there was one RO player who promised to lend me her RO installer?

Ate2: Oh she’s inside. You wanna go talk to her?

Kmy: No no ^^;;; It would be embarrassing…

 

Silence once again.

 

Kmy: *addressing Ate1* Ate do you have free play for RF?

Ate1: none…

Kmy: Ahh— *stops*

 

I caught sight of a list perched by the computer. It was something like this: List of Active Netopia Members.

 

My heartbeat began to accelerate.

 

Kmy: Now I can find out what his real name is!

Tanuki: And you can search it in friendster! Hurrah~

 

Hastily, my eyes roved through the list.

 

Kmy: Faster faster! Baka mahalata nila…

 

I finished the list but I didn’t find what I was looking for. I had to scan the list again. So…

 

Kmy: Ate, are you sure there’s no free play?

Ate1: Yeah…

Kmy: How come?

Ate1: Coz we had RF late that’s why

 

I scanned the list again. Repeating his name over and over again in my mind like a chant. Still… I ended up empty-handed. How come? He’s a member! I’m sure of it!!! Waaaaaa! How could this be? Gawd.. why deny me his name. >_<

 

Kmy: *turning back to Ate1* You no longer have RF? [ Yes dearies.. what they said didn’t register on me!XD]

Ate1: Oh we still have RF.

Kmy: Oh I see… Well then, I’ll be going.

There was nothing left to do but go. Silently, I exited the café feeling dazed. That was stupid… The stupidest thing I’ve ever done… No… Just one of thestupidest thing I’ve ever done. Funny how most of them are connected to that one guy.

 

Tanuki: Maybe I should go take over your body and flirt with that guy. Seems you don’t have the guts so I’ll do it for you.

Kmy: What the?!~ Excuse me, please go find another body. Don’t use mine.

Tanuki: Well I’m sick of this game… this “I like him but he’ll never know”.

Kmy: Well it’s thrilling that way.

Tanuki: It’s stupid. >_>

Kmy: Yeah yeah, I know. Let’s drink to that, shall we?

 

====O====

 

Funnily enough, I still don’t know his name. 

Author’s Notes:

Hi everyone! Well… this story has been plaguing my mind for days so I decided to write it out and ask for your comments on this. Please review! I would really appreciate it!^_^

I don’t own Ragnarok Online but this plot is mine. If ever there was already a story with the same plot, I assure everyone that I never knew of its existence.

By the way, italicized words [mystic] are thoughts and the bold italicized words [mystic] are flashbacks.^_^

TABOO

Bondage

Alegria’s sohee. Credit to the artist.

I was kneeling on the forest floor, sobbing. My hands were covering my face, hiding it for I was so ashamed of what I had just done. I had killed a human… for the first time in my entire life. I never knew I was capable of doing it. I never knew I would become like them, like those of our kind who would slay humans.

It was never my intention to kill him. It was his fault, really. He invaded our territory and then tried to kill me. It was just an instinct. I had to preserve myself didn’t I?

I knew it was the zeny he wanted, the bounty that he would receive if he presented evidence that he killed a creature like me. Humans were hateful creatures. They would slaughter us monsters for rewards offered by their government. Others would execute us to strengthen themselves for battling with monsters further build up their prowess. Some would hunt creatures just for the fun of it. But in spite of all this, never had I hated them nor had I had the desire to slay any of them. In fact, I strongly opposed the killing of humans and encouraged others not to do so, too.

I bit my lip to stop myself from releasing another sob. Lowering my hands, I looked upon them. They were so red… so bloody.

“You would’ve killed a human sooner or later. You cannot stop humans from hurting us. It will always happen. And thus, it will always happen that we would kill some of them. We have to defend ourselves from their attacks or we will be the ones killed.”

I recognized her voice; it was my friend’s voice. I looked up to see her standing there, her eyes filled with sympathy. It always irritated me when someone catches me in my darkest moments. It made me feel as though I was the weakest creature in Rune Midgard.

Pulling myself together, I pulled my stiletto from the man’s eye and then stood up. Turning my back on my friend, I walked towards the pond and washed my hands and stiletto clean of the bloody mess.

“You should understand, it is part of nature’s plan,” she whispered softly as I was cleaning myself.

“It should never be that way, Shurie, and you know it,” I whispered brokenly as I looked at my reflection in the water.

An arrow sliced through the air and then I heard Shurie’s scream of pain. I jerked my head to see what happened to Shurie. An arrow was protruding from her forehead; blood was rushing down her face tainting her alabaster skin. I watched her, horrified and frozen in place, as two arrows, that was fired in succession, hit her in the neck.

“Kiesha… run…” She raised her hands, reaching for me, as she fell.

Something snapped within me as I watched Shurie — my best friend. I became uncontrollable, just like a wild animal. I turned towards the direction from whence the arrows came from. Gripping my stiletto firmly, I ran towards that direction with only murder in mind.

A man stepped out of the shadows. He was wearing a Magician’s Hat, a phantom of opera, gray trousers and a dirty white shirt. He was a hunter, I could tell, for he was carrying a bow and bag of arrows on his back. The hunter raised his bow and took aim. I did not stop. I just ran towards him, too enraged to think about anything aside from killing him. It did not register on me that he was about to shoot me and that I should dodge or something. As I neared him, I raised my stiletto, ready to strike him with full force.

A smirk appeared on his lips as he released an arrow. It hit me in the stomach and I fell on my knees. The pain was intense; my head was reeling from it. I shook my head to clear my mind. I clutched my stomach and then pulled the arrow sticking out of it. My vision blurred and I felt faint.

Confusion struck me. I never knew an arrow shot could make you feel dizzy and sick. I thought it was all pain and blood. Through my hazy vision, I examined the tip of the arrow. Finally, it dawned on me. The arrow was laden with poison; there was a pink fluid on its tip.

I felt myself weakening as though my life force was being drained from my body.

Is this the end for me?

The hunter walked towards me. My mind screamed for me to run but I couldn’t. I was too weak to move, couldn’t even raise my hand.

“You’re a pretty one,” he said.

A smile was painted on his lips. It wasn’t a smirk nor was it a sneer. It was just a smile, a melting smile.

I found myself staring at him. Conflicting emotions paraded through me as he took something out of his pocket — a silver knife of chastity. I stared at it and found myself hypnotized by its beauty. It was so beautiful. Intricate designs were carved on the hilt of the knife and the cutting edge glistened like diamonds.

“I would let you have this,” the huntsman began, “on one condition.”

My blood turned cold. I knew what that condition was… it was to become his slave. A number of my friends have given their services to humans in exchange for this item. It has always puzzled me why they would agree to become human slaves. Why would they prefer it over freedom? Oh sure, humans could offer them protection but they would have to do whatever their masters bid them to do. It was a ludicrous exchange. Services for an item?… sheesh!

But now, as I gazed at the silver knife, I couldn’t help but want it. Maybe it had hypnotizing powers that made a sohee want it. Or maybe taming items were made to be like that.

It’s not really the item itself, Kiesha… It is something else… You will know when the time comes…

 

The voice of my mother penetrated my muddled thoughts.

“What say you…?” the hunter asked.

I don’t know why I did but I accepted his offer. I was now bound to him. There was no turning back.

He gave me the knife and then he stood up.

“Come, my sohee.”

I tried to stand up and was able to. The man, my master, offered his hand. I reached out and walked towards him. Suddenly, I felt dizzy and my head started to pound. I fell head on but my master caught me just in time. Darkness began to envelope me and I passed out.

TO BE CONTINUED…

Yes. Yes. YES!

I am one of the many struck by the soshi virus—kpop virus generally. The hallyu wave hit me strong and hard… But I must defend myself though… When the world was feasting on jpop, jrock, and the anime OSTs, I had set my heart on kpop. I have been a kpop fan for 5 years already. I even know of S.E.S. and Jinusean.

SO anyway… my obession now centers on SNSD/Girl’s Generation. It’s not really all of them, I must admit. It’s basically Yuri. Yuri. Yuri. I like all of ’em girls but I just can’t take my attention away from YuL to be able to build up a devoted fandom to the other girls.

Speaking of Yul, check this out! Their new MV and she looks OMG!

 

image

They say that the sea is water reflecting the sky but isn’t the sky the sea waiting to fall. That endless expanse of air robbed the sea of precious particles forming clouds that look like the foam the sea builds as it shores upon the beach. The spectacle of colors–tangerine to orange to purple to red to the quietest blue and the dull black—the sky turns into still hints of the depth the sea keeps in her unexplored heart. Always and always, forever and forever…the sea beckons the sky to fall. Helpless it surrenders, during those tumultous dark gloomy days, loud with anger, flashing lights in resistance, and crying in tears as it unleashes the rain.

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