A/N: I was actually really hesitant to post this on this blog but my desire to consolidate my writing and content into this one avenue(blog) won over. I’m throwing caution to the wind so please don’t judge the heart of my 17-year old self. Lol.
Written in September 2006
They always always go hand in hand, having crushes and being stupid. One such example would be this:
It was one hot Thursday afternoon. Alone, I ambled through the busy streets of downtown. I wasn’t supposed to be alone but since the Kitsune decided not to attend practice, I was forced to cruise through the perilous streets of the city… all alone… with no one to talk to.
And so, I was left with my thoughts and my self… which ended up with me discussing my thoughts to myself. Well honestly, it’s more productive and more enjoyable talking with yourself. Of course, people would think of you as a lunatic, especially if you talk loud enough for them to hear you, and would probably laugh or give scornful and condescending gazes at you. In retaliation, you and yourself would laugh at these stupid people for thinking you’re a lunatic when really you’re not.
Moving on, the certain discussion I had with myself was about the upcoming OJT. My very first OJT this coming Monday [which is actually Sunday, I just found out yesterday]. Our shift would be from 11 pm – 7 am! So I was thinking, where would I stay? The last trip from our area is at 8 pm so I really must leave at that time. Unsurprisingly [to me], the first thing that came into mind was an internet café. I’m a computer addict you see so naturally, I would like to have them preoccupy my time.
Tanuki: What café then?
I fell silent.
Kmy: Where else but at Netopia?
Tanuki: I see… *cough cough* *malicious grin*
Kmy: There’s nothing to be malicious about. It’s just that I like it here. <_<>
Tanuki: Oh really? Like it or do you like someone who likes it there?
Kmy: I refuse to answer that…
Anyway, it was later resolved between me and myself that we would indeed stay in Netopia to wait out the 2-3 hours before duty. Chat, sur, or play RF to kill time. However, before that, I had to know what time they close. And thus, must drop by the place.
Tanuki: excuses you liar!!!! You already know what time they close.
Kmy: Is it wrong to make sure?
Tanuki: Well no… but you have an ulterior motive.
Kmy: Do I?
Tanuki: Yeah… you want to see, rather, hear that someone‘s voice.
Minutes later, the café’s sign came into view but I was still a significant distance from it. Without warning, I felt a sudden surge of pheromones—err… scratch that—giddiness come over me. Of course, as stone-faced and bagtik as I am, no one could really tell… supposedly. The goofy smile that was creeping to my lips might’ve given it away… Stupid effing face! Why can’t you control that smile?!
As I neared, my thoughts began stumbling and tumbling, tripping and flying everywhere. Excitement flooded my veins and still I tried to suppress the giddiness. Supress the giddiness. Control it. Must… not… shriek… in front… of all… the goddamned… people…
20 more steps to the café…
My breathing began to feel a little labored. I was nervous as hell. Maybe I shouldn’t go. If there are a lot of tambays I’ll walk on ahead and not give the café another glance. Come to think of it… maybe I really shouldn’t go even if there are no tambays there.
10 more steps…
Deserted. No tambay of any sort. Not a single soul.
Kmy: *meow* @_@
On their won, my feet veered to the right without hesitation and I found myself walking towards the door of Netopia.
Tanuki: Ok be cool… Don’t go anywhere. Go and stay by the counter. You’re just asking what time it will close. Don’t look for him! Not even casually!
Kmy: *meow* @_@
My mind went blank. I was half-dazed due to the anxiety.
Tanuki: Hold up! Wake up! Don’t topple over. Stay cool. Stay casual.
Kmy: … What’s with the advices? I thought you were against me…
Tanuki: Well… your humiliation would be my humiliation too so I gotta help you, don’t I?
Then, I found myself standing by the counter. Not knowing what to do, I spaced out for some seconds. Good thing the café attendants were entertaining a customer or else they would’ve noticed. I sighed in relief. However, my relief was short-lived. Soon, one of them caught sight of me.
[translated for my protection. XD]
Ate1: Will you be loggin in? What Number?
Kmy: *My eyes widened and I half-shouted, panicked* No!… No ate. I just came to ask something.”
Ate1: *drops pen* aw ok. ^^
Kmy: What time do you close?
Ate1 & Ate2: *in chorus* 10
I fell silent, thoughtful for a moment.
Kmy: *addressing Ate2* Ate, do you remember there was one RO player who promised to lend me her RO installer?
Ate2: Oh she’s inside. You wanna go talk to her?
Kmy: No no ^^;;; It would be embarrassing…
Silence once again.
Kmy: *addressing Ate1* Ate do you have free play for RF?
Kmy: Ahh— *stops*
I caught sight of a list perched by the computer. It was something like this: List of Active Netopia Members.
My heartbeat began to accelerate.
Kmy: Now I can find out what his real name is!
Tanuki: And you can search it in friendster! Hurrah~
Hastily, my eyes roved through the list.
Kmy: Faster faster! Baka mahalata nila…
I finished the list but I didn’t find what I was looking for. I had to scan the list again. So…
Kmy: Ate, are you sure there’s no free play?
Kmy: How come?
Ate1: Coz we had RF late that’s why
I scanned the list again. Repeating his name over and over again in my mind like a chant. Still… I ended up empty-handed. How come? He’s a member! I’m sure of it!!! Waaaaaa! How could this be? Gawd.. why deny me his name. >_<
Kmy: *turning back to Ate1* You no longer have RF? [ Yes dearies.. what they said didn’t register on me!XD]
Ate1: Oh we still have RF.
Kmy: Oh I see… Well then, I’ll be going.
There was nothing left to do but go. Silently, I exited the café feeling dazed. That was stupid… The stupidest thing I’ve ever done… No… Just one of thestupidest thing I’ve ever done. Funny how most of them are connected to that one guy.
Tanuki: Maybe I should go take over your body and flirt with that guy. Seems you don’t have the guts so I’ll do it for you.
Kmy: What the?!~ Excuse me, please go find another body. Don’t use mine.
Tanuki: Well I’m sick of this game… this “I like him but he’ll never know”.
Kmy: Well it’s thrilling that way.
Tanuki: It’s stupid. >_>
Kmy: Yeah yeah, I know. Let’s drink to that, shall we?
Funnily enough, I still don’t know his name.