It’s eleven and im supposed to be sleeping but sleep is eluding me. Thus, i end up indulging myself in thoughts.
What sort of thoughts? Oh just this and that. At first pleasant: about stuff i like most, what i want to do in the future and all that. But then, it just had to turn to the past and I look back to the 5 months I spent in manila by myself. And you know what? It feels so surreal! Like it’s not part of MY life.
I don’t even remember the exact details anymore. Like when i was in training for call center and we were required to get dolled up…i could remember i was ALWAYS wearing heels. I practically lived in them. What I do NOT remember was whether I walked in heels from my cousin’s house in Pateros to the jeepney stop, up the steps of Guadalupe LRT station, then from Shaw station to Ortigas. Could I have done that? Could I have survived that walk on heels? Weird as it may be, i don’t have any idea.
Thinking about it now, i think…i must have been a really strong person to have been able to live on my own without someone to turn to during those months. Really, it’s all thanks to him. Even though i did not have anyone by my side, i wasn’t lonely. No. I never was lonely. I didn’t notice the days passing me by and i was able to do things i never thought was possible. I shall forever be grateful to him.. but now it’s turning for the worse.
I really should remember all he did for me. I really should remember he was there when no one was. I really should. But the mind have this funny habit of forgetting the good stuff and remembering the bad. So, here i am, gritting my teeth in anger for the times he forgot to call, the times he made me wait, the times he said the wrong things.
Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. This is really tragic… but i cant help it (and to think i hate this phrase).